Speaking about her troubling battle with pain medication, Paula Abdul opened up about her past struggles in an interview with Ladies Home Journal.
Talking about how she did her best to hide her addiction, Abdul tells, "I couldn't cancel my tour. I didn't want anyone to count me out. I tried to keep everything hush-hush. I'm an old school professional. Never let them see you sweat."
In an effort to beat her dependence on meds, Abdul checked into the La Costa Resort and Spa this past Thanksgiving.
"I could have killed myself," the “American Idol” judge says. "Withdrawal – it's the worst thing. I was freezing cold, then sweating hot, then chattering and in so much pain. It was excruciating."
Desperate for change, Abdul, 46, adds, "At my very core. I did not like existing the way I had been."
Now that she’s gotten herself together, Paula has her sights set on landing the perfect man.
She explains, "I'm working on finding that guy. I'm just like every other girl who wants to find a soul mate and live happily ever after."